Ashley and Sarina in Monaco, France – Contiki Europe Tour 7/2011

On Friday, I was really feeling like that sad 5th grader that no one wanted to be friends with or spend time with because I kept messing up, didn’t always interact in the socially acceptable way or meet my friends’ expectations.

Mind you, I’ve come a long way in my life with friendships, relationships, and even in my career. However, back in Elementary School up through Middle School, I was the kid that had few true friends, and didn’t really have friends that stood up for me when being bullied or teased at school.

Getting back to how I was feeling yesterday. Earlier in the week, I reached out to one of my close friends from High School, Ashley, to see if we could get together this weekend and catch up. I haven’t seen Ashley since before my SE trip and actually it has been a few months because of our hectic schedules. Now, I was feeling guilty for not being a good friend and thinking she was mad/disappointed at me or going through something because she didn’t respond to my first text. So I reached out again, and this time she responded apologizing and letting me know she’ll call me later because she’s been so busy. Okay, I feel alittle better about this friendship situation. I apologized to Ashley for being somewhat out of touch while I have been trying to catch up and get my act together since being back from my trip to SE Asia. Ashley seemed to understand.

Here’s another friendship situation. So I realize that in this past week, two of my friends “de-friended” me on Facebook (FB). One I was completely aware of because I spoke up and responded to one of JM’s inappropriate and disrespectful comments about women that he tagged me and other traveler friends in his FB wall post – making this post visible to all my friends on my wall. I immediately removed this post from my wall and responded back to JM.

Facebook Wall Post Conversation:
JM, “I see Chris (our Tour Guide from GAdventures trip) everyday since the tour has ended, but Chris doesn’t wanna hang out. He just spends time with his girlfriend. What happened to bros before hoes???!!! ”

Sarina – “First of all, perhaps you may want to reconsider referring to ladies as hoes. Really disrespectful JM. Seriously not even as a joke. I know I don’t appreciate this comment.”

JM, “Defriended.”

Mind you, none of my other tour friends spoke up and said anything or stood up for me on this FB post. Maybe that would have gotten somewhat ugly going back and forth arguing on FB wall pages and sometimes you just don’t want to go there. However, some people just want to avoid confrontation rather than face a situation and speak up for what they feel is right. I may have said this before, but it’s really all in the approach.

Thinking about this FB situation afterwards, perhaps the better approach on my behalf would have been to send JM a private message rather than write a direct comment on his FB post. However, JM’s response just shows his immaturity by him making a joke and being mean, rather than accepting responsibility and apologizing for being inappropriate. I definitely called JM out on it and he didn’t like it.

Seriously, was that necessary for JM to respond this way and do I need people like this in my life? – Not really! So thank-you, you did me a favor. Take care and bye, bye!

Last night, after getting home from a business meeting about a discussion on my blog and the next steps, I logged onto FB and happen to check the invite list for a fundraiser event, Banding Together Against Bullying, which supports Long Island Crisis Center (LICC), 24/7 local hotline for youth and their families. What I then learned is one of my friends, Cassie, is no longer my friend on FB. Even though we are more acquaintances than close friends, I’m really bothered by this one and take this personally. Here’s some more background information. Last week, there was this social/networking event that I invited Cassie to attend as my guest. Unfortunately, this event ended up being overbooked and they couldn’t accommodate us at the party, even though we rsvp by the date. Disappointing!

So, I reached out to Cassie and forwarded her the email response I received from the event planner, so she saw for herself. What happened next is my sister, Amanda, suggested that perhaps we can still attend as someone else’s guest. After asking a handful of people, we were able to get two spots a few hours before the event, and ended up going to the party. As we parked the car across the street from Monsoon, where the social/networking event was being held, in front of Barrique, another restaurant in Babylon NY, I got out of the car, and heard my name being called. It’s Cassie with a friend having dinner outside at Barrique. What are the chances? Rushing to get into the party because we are already running late, I explained to Cassie that my sister and I were able to get someone else’s reservation and we were still going.

A week has gone by, and I’ve had every intention of reaching out to Cassie to further explain to her the situation. Finally, I get around to this and sent Cassie a text to apologize for how it worked out with the event and how we were only able to get two spots after reaching out to a handful of people. I told her how I felt terrible how it worked out and wanted to see if she would like to get together perhaps this weekend. No response at all.

Now, I realize Cassie must have been really annoyed or something. However, I didn’t intentionally break plans with her, and I seriously couldn’t get her into the party. My mistake was definitely waiting a week to reach out and apologize. This should have happened the very next day. But to go to the extent to “de-friend” me on FB, was that really required? Why couldn’t she have said something instead of being passive aggressive? In all fairness, Cassie doesn’t really know how I am as a friend, since this would have been the first time we were going out together. Best part is, I know I’ll still be seeing Cassie every so often, when I go for my Wellness Chiropractor visits, as she works there at the front desk. Somewhat awkward! Well, hopefully within time we will make up and move pass this, as it’s really a misunderstanding and I really like Cassie as a person. Cassie has this great energy, is fitness minded like me, and likes adventures. I’m disappointed.

Sometimes, I get caught up in my own life with everything and have every intention of reaching out to friends sooner, but neglect to do so. Then find myself feeling guilty for not being a good friend and apologizing. Sometimes, I may not take the socially appropriate approach to speaking up because I may forget to take a moment to step back and think through what would be the best way to approach the situation. Sometimes I’m just misunderstood.